Fragile heart

I was standing on the side of the road, waiting for an auto to arrive so that I could go to college. I was in a hurry – if I didn't reach the Bazaar soon, my teacher would leave, and I wouldn't get my attendance. My mind were racing with a million things – the very attendance, the millions of projects I had to submit in the following week, my admissions, the future, etc, etc.

Suddenly, a loud, cracking noise snapped me out of my thoughts. I looked up alarmed, and saw a terrifying collision between two bikes. One of the men struggled his way out from under his bike, and stood up. But the other man, he was lying face down on the ground, unmoving. Panic seized me. Was he dead? My legs turned to lead, and I couldn't move.

Then there was a flurry of movement. People from across the street came this side to help the man up, and drag him to the pavement. An elderly couple who were waiting for an auto ran to them and gave them their water. Finally, I too dragged myself to the spot, and watched in concern. With the care and concern from others, the man soon revived consciousness, and I let out a sigh of relief. Knowing that he was okay, I finally caught an auto and told the driver to take me to college.

The fragility of human life struck me really hard that day. We all go around thinking we have an endless existence, as if we can do everything whenever we want, but all of that is untrue. Our time on earth is limited. We are mere visitors here. We don't own this place, not like we would like to. And that thought scares me. No, not the ownership part. The part where everything is so temporary and delicate. We never know when our life will be snatched away from us. It could be today, tomorrow or maybe a hundred years later. But it will eventually happen. Can we ever be prepared though? I mean, everyone fears death. No matter how hard we try to conquer it, we are going to fail. All we do is elongate the eventual.

Something else that struck me that day was how beautiful and wonderful the human nature is. While we may all be worried about our own lives, the minute we see someone else in danger, we rush to their sides, regardless of who they are. Despite the grave nature of the situation, what I witnessed was deeply touching. We come alone, we go alone. Yes. But that is only in technicality. No matter what the circumstance is, we can always look to someone for help. It's not that far away.

Despite how truly horrifying it was, it gave me hope. It also gave me the push to make the most of my life today, because tomorrow might never come.

My summer vacation bucket list

 College's getting over in a month, and very long summer is awaiting me. My mind is usually a scatterbrain of various ideas that I want to implement, but I very rarely actually carry out any of them. So to make sure that I do stick to the various plans I am making, I am going to jot down an officially 'college's-over-now-what-shall-I-do-for-the-summer' list.

Here we go.

1. The day my exams are over, I am going to take off on a three to four day vacation with two of my best friends. No cell phone, no laptop, no books. No contact with the outside world. Well, we do have to contact our parents twice a day, but that's it. Completely leaving the world behind and taking time after a very strenuous timetable to finally enjoy life. We are all going separate ways after this, and such an opportunity might not present itself again.

2. Write a novel! I have been putting this off since I have dreamt of it. I don't know what it is – my constant self doubt that badgers me when I'm writing, or the fact that I procrastinate way too much. I have so many ideas – ideas that I'm super proud of – but I just keep putting it off. With the long vacation in front of me, I am going flesh out an entire novel and write it. Yes, I am going to do that.

3. Rewatch Pretty Little Liars and Teen Wolf. I love these two shows, I dearly do, but with so much going on, I simply am not able to keep up with their complex plots. I want to watch them again, notice all the simple nuances and finally see through the amazing storylines.

4. Reread Harry Potter. It's been THREE YEARS since I did this the last time. It's quite self explanatory. I need to make time to let the magic into my life again, and relive my wonderful, beautiful childhood.

5. Go to Kerala. Spend about a month there. My last few visits to Kerala have been about three-four days long. My ageing grandpa and grandma are there, and it's about time that I take time off to spend with them. They deserve it, after all they have done for me. Maybe I can revisit my childhood once again – this time in a more personal, familial and different way – before I take off into the rut and gut of adulthood.

6. Take a day out and spend it by myself. I don't know what I do, but it should be by myself. Of course, it includes a movie. I have been wanting to watch a movie alone since forever, and this would be the right chance. Eat out, travel on my own, be with no one but myself, and enjoy the calming effect of blissful solitude.

7. Bake a rainbow cake. Okay. This was something I wanted to do for my best friend's birthday, but I do think I need to practice a lot more. Watching Masterchef Australia (my happy show) had instilled in me, the desire to bake. The rainbow cake baked by Liliana Battle is something that has stuck with ever since, and there is no way I am not going to bake it this summer, and relish every single bite of it.

8. Cook for my best friends and family. I was the Home Science topper in my school, and I still haven't cooked for my friends and family. What is wrong with me? This summer, I am so going to cook an elaborate meal for them, showing them just how much they mean to me.

9. Go on a spa trip with one of my close friends. This plan has been pending since forever as well.

10. Be happy happy happy.  

I am a writer. Hence I write.

Words hold a power like nothing else. To write is to create life. I have always been fascinated by writing and reading. A bibliophile since I was a little kid, writing came almost naturally to me. This is not to say that I am an exceptional writer or something, but to say that the habit, the art, it is like breathing to me. Easy and necessary.

What I love about writing is that it is a way of creating life. There is a quote that goes 'If a writer falls in love with you, you'll never die.' That concept of immortalizing someone with mere words is such a wonderful idea. It is also a really powerful feeling, a warm gush that passes through me as I write out something.

Writing is more than just a hobby for me. It is a lifestyle. Even though I don't do it everyday, it is essential for my survival. There are a few days when the urge to write is so strong that I forget to pay heed to my poor, aching, tired body and write till 5 am in the morning, conveniently forgetting that I have to go out with my parents in a few hours. But at that moment, the moment I am writing, all of that is forgotten. My mind is only focused on the characters and the stories I am trying to tell.

Many a times, I have a set plan in my mind before I start writing. There is always a beginning, a middle and an end. When I feel like it, I even have scene by scene descriptions, so all I have to do is actually pen down the words and write it. Many a times, this doesn't work. As I start writing, my characters, who I have just given birth to, decide that they don't want to go in the direction that I had planned for them. Going in the intial direction comes across as very forced and unrealistic in comparison to the direction the characters want to go in.

I still haven't understood how this works. Even though they are my creations, essentially, they break free from my shackles and truly live. It is one of the most miraculous, wondrous things about writing. Until one experiences it, they will never know how it feels. Even though at times I feel a little annoyed at how little I am sticking to the main plot, I also feel a gush of pride as my characters – my babies – decide to step out onto the world and be brave and overall awesome. I actually feel like a proud mother.

Apart from the sheer magic of writing, what I love so much about is how it lets me express my feelings eloquently. I have never been much of a verbal person – in the sense I am not very convincing verbally – so this medium has been everything to me. Many a times, I use it to communicate and convey messages that would otherwise never have gotten across. Also, it has also helped many people understand me when they read what I have written, because my writing is always from my soul.

With all of that said and done, I hope that one day I have the courage and talent in order to convert this passion of mine into a profession. I don't think I would be happy doing anything else. In fact, I don't think I can do anything else. Writing has always been my endgame, and I hope that with all the hardwork I put in, I finally make something out of it one day.

A moment of clarity

A few months ago I had read an article that said the earth and the universe were to cease to exist in many millions of years. The time for the End was far way, and would probably never affect me at all, but that got me thinking. What is the point of this all? Of this life and everything we do? Of the books we write and the movies/documentaries we make? Of history? When history itself will become a history that will just disappear due to intergalatic activities, what is the true point of it?

It was a bit discouraging, that thought. I have always been a highly motivated person who wanted to write books that would keep generations happy and engaged. I have always wanted to make a long lasting impact, one that would remain even after I die. But this discovery made me falter in my steps. If everything were to just end, so would my stories. So will everything I have done, even if people continue carrying it, because those people themselves would be gone.

I began to question everything at that point. The rut and gut of life. The fierce competition to be the first. Running from one's house to get the early morning bus. Standing in line at 6 am to get the newest installation in a beloved series of books. Everything. Is there a meaning to it all? Will it finally amount to anything? Even if it does, isn't it going to end anyway? Permanently this time? Then what is the point?

I was in the middle of applying for my post graduate studies, and they required for me to write many stories and creative samples. As I wrote those and completed them, they filled me with an inexplicable warmth and satisfaction, that it is difficult to pin it down by words. They filled me with fire, raging, passionate fire, that motivated me to move forward, to push forward. I felt so happy, so proud of myself, that it was like as I was unstoppable.

Every friday, my family and I sit in the living room and have fun. We talk, we eat, we play games. I live for those moments, because I cannot explain the feeling I get then. It is surreal, something out of the world. At those times, we forget all the trials and tribulations in the world, our difficulties and personal issues and just laugh. My family probably doesn't even know how much those fridays mean to me, but they are my life. Nothing can compare to that.

One friday, after writing a sample I was particularly proud of, I sat down with my family at 5 in the evening simply to discuss something college related. This escalated to a lot more, as my sister started reading zodiac traits and all of us pondered over it, often breaking into uncontrollable laughter at reading about the various quirks all of us have. I had been planning on holing up in my room and reading, but that friday, I simply couldn't get up from the sofa in my living room. We laughed and we enjoyed. It was the time our lives.

That was when it struck me, the meaning of life. Even though it has a beginning and an end, it is not a sprint. It is a marathon. Life is made up of so many various moments that make it worthwhile. These moments might be so drastically different like feeling a surge of self worth for accomplishing something and spending time with those that you love. Regardless, they are moments worth living for. It doesn't matter if it ends, because ultimately, everything ends. Nothing lasts forever, and it is good to embrace this fact. It doesn't matter if the human race gets extinguished, or that no one will remember. But you know what? That doesn't change the truth.

That the human race thrived in their time on earth. They lived and they died and they cried. They accomplished so many different things, some, miraculous even. Ups and downs, happiness and sadness. Ultimately that is the beauty of the truth. Despite having an end, this race lived a wholesome, amazing, fantastic life. A journey of a lifetime. And maybe they did become stories in the end, but as said in Doctor Who, “We are all stories in the end. Just make sure it is a good one.”