Breeding Eternal Misery

"You know what they say about hope- it breeds eternal misery." -Spencer Hastings, Pretty Little Liars.

Being a person who invests a lot of her energy in fictional characters, I tend to think of a lot of quotes said by them during my real life situations. As my friends kept updating me with the scores of the Aus v/s Pak & Ind v/s SA matches while my father drove us home, the above quote by Spencer Hastings was what I kept thinking of.

Hope is such a powerful thing- in the words of President Snow from The Hunger Games, 'Hope, it is the only thing stronger than fear.' Truer words haven't been spoken. Despite all the fear that raced through me during the match, only one thing was stronger than all that fear- hope. Hope that we would play brilliantly, win and enter the semi-finals, hope that our honest and hardworking team would bring the world cup home, hope that good would win over evil. As I clasped my hands knotted in crossed fingers, I kept hoping and praying so much. Despite the gnawing sensation in my head that my precious team wouldn't make it, I still kept hoping.

I have always told everyone that if you lose hope you lose everything, and it's quite true actually. Hope keeps one alive. It sears through your very existence and shines brightly through the darkest of rooms. A flicker of hope is all one needs to move on in life. When people hope, they believe. When they believe, they achieve. When they achieve, they live. Even during the worst of my times I have kept hope.

But off late I have been questioning this very thing called hope. Hope not only keeps you alive, it is also a constant reminder that it could be your very downfall. As I kept hoping for my precious team India to get into the semi-finals, I knew that the stronger I hope, the deeper the cut would be. Hope doesn't just provide one with a reason for living, sometimes it even cuts you open, leaving you vulnerable and open to hurt and sadness. In the words of the intelligent Spencer, it breeds eternal misery.

You keep hoping for something to happen and when it finally doesn't, you feel like a total fool for doing so. This very hope was my downfall during my grandpa's demise. For a whole month, as I saw him deteriorate in front of my eyes I kept hoping he'd be fine again, despite knowing that there was no way that he'd make it. Everyday I kept hoping, because I believed that he would never leave me, his favourite and most special grandchild. When he did leave me, on 1st of July, 2012, I felt thousand times worse than I would have felt had I accepted his impending death a month earlier.

Even after my mother telling me that South Africa had crossed the score of 121, I hoped that we would win and make it into the semi's. When Balaji took that final wicket of Morne Morkel all I could think of was that 'yay, we won, now we can get into the semi's and show everyone else who the true boss is.' And then I saw that terrible sign 'Pakistan enter the finals, India eliminated from the World T20 2012.' That's when reality set in. I saw Virat looking heartbroken, I saw Yuvi talking to the studio about his MOTM looking so disheveled and at that moment the hurt was too much to take in.

I just collapsed on my bed and cursed myself for hoping for the best when I knew in my heart that entering the semi finals was impossible. I mentally slapped myself for believing in the greater good, for believing in humanity, when all I found around me was the victory of the cheaters, the bad guys. I have always maintained that the good will eventually conquer, but you know, it SUCKS when your core beliefs are proven wrong. 

After yesterday's match I didn't know what to believe in anymore. I wanted to stop hoping, because I don't want eternal misery. So many times I think that the state of total unfeeling would be such bliss. I wouldn't have to worry about getting hurt by the results of a match, or worry about the future of my favourite TV show couple. I would just live, and let live. But is it possible for a person like me to strip myself of all the faith, hope and belief that I have accumulated over the years? The very own essence of my personality is that I'm an optimist, a believer, someone who looks for the silver lining in every situation. Will I be able to truly change that? Only time will tell.

Right now, I'm too hurt, disappointed and disturbed with what I've seen around me. No, I'm not talking about just the loss. I'm also talking about the immense amount of hate Virat is receiving for god-knows-what reasons. Graphics are being made out of pictures of him crying, and heartless jokes of him not having a father are being cracked. I saw some Pakistani fan with a shirt that said 'Kohli ka baap.' I felt the bile in my mouth when I saw that picture. I just wanted to rip apart that person and all his/her friends and family for their pathetic and inhuman thoughts. Country based rivalry I can understand, but taking digs at an innocent man about not having a father is just NOT right. 

I also saw a girl post crap about rape being okay if the victims are Indians and Gods, I am ashamed to say I live on the same planet as that despicable being! Get a grip over yourself. Rape is NOT okay, not even for a pathetic excuse for a human like Dolores Umbridge. NO woman deserves that. NO ONE. You call yourself a woman/girl, but I certainly have my doubts about that now! Such things, such people make me weep for humanity.

I guess I'm done with the topic. I had to get all this out of my chest and I just did. I feel as horrible and shitty as I did yesterday. Our country deserved to win and not some losers who played mind games and cheated like crap! True heroes are those who conquer by honest and sincere means, not those who twist everything to their advantage. We Indians are true heroes, our team is the best and we will bleed blue forever.

And to those idiots (such a mild word) who insulted Virat, here's something for you- Virat Kohli is a good man. An honest man, and a humble man. He is the best damn batsman in the world and nothing you say or do will change that. He loves the game and his country and he has, and will continue making us proud. He is an amazing person and we are lucky to have him. He is God's gift to India. Your country or team doesn't deserve a man like Virat Kohli. You know why? Because Virat Kohli is a good man.

Always and forever,

Nidheya.