An open letter. :)

Dear Crush,

I honestly have no idea what to write to you because I don’t even know whether you qualify as a crush anymore or not, but yeah, I’m still going to write to you. I don’t really believe in the great love anymore. I’ve become really cynical about the concept off late, and trust me, you have no hand in all of that. It’s just something that came from within. I don’t really think I’m capable of being loved like that anyways, but that’s not it.

It is seeing people around me, their obsession with love and boyfriends and relationships. It’s also seeing how people almost lose themselves because of their so called ‘loves’. I don’t like that. Even when I did believe in the great love I knew I was incapable of making my love or boyfriend or husband the center of existence. My family, my friends, my writing and all have been around for way too long for me to weigh one person over all of them/that.

I’ve seen how lightly people take the concept of love. Even after seeing each other for like five years, they conveniently break up and decide they were not meant to be together. What, didn’t they know that during the five years of dating? Did they only suddenly realize how incompatible they are? Bullshit, I tell you. 

Yes, I know I don’t know their story, but still, everything is so frivolous around me, that I don’t believe in the existence of the great, true, everlasting love anymore. The world around us is constantly changing and people are changing and no one values relationships anymore. I’m not talking about romantic relationships, I’m talking about human relations in general. It’s a pity, really.

Then again, I frankly told my mother the other day that I wont marry someone just for the societies or my parent’s convenience. It is my life at the end of the day and I wont compromise on that for any reason. I simply wont. So yes, I’m confused. But I can openly say that I don’t believe in the great love anymore, but if it happens, well and good, and if it doesn’t, well and good again. :)

I wish you all the best in life and may you achieve whatever you want to. :)

That’s the most I could write without giving away who you are, so yeah. :D

Goodbye,

Me. 

Alcohol & Drugs: My view. :)

Just about a few months ago I used to be strictly anti-alcohol. I used to think that drinking was a disgusting habit and ought to be curbed. But then came along this fantasy of mine to get drunk. Like fully drunk. To get high that one single time and just forget about it after that. I thought it’d be fun. I still do, as a matter of fact.

Now, I honestly believe that occasional drinking is not a crime. To go out, socialize for a bit and have a glass of beer/wine/gin/whiskey might not be such a bad thing after all. Some people might even view it as polite. Social drinking is not a problem. As long as one knows to keep her/his drinking under control, it not ought to be a problem. Only if a person resorts to alcohol as a source of comfort or escapade, only then does it become a problem. This will eventually lead to alcoholism, which leads to destruction of physical, mental, emotional and social well being. 

Media largely depicts alcohol as something people resort to when they’ve undergone a break up or a financial crisis. In movies and shows they show the characters going to a bar, drinking their heart out and walking home in a drunken stupor. Media has a large influence on the average person’s life, believe it or not. After seeing this, young (or old) people might end up imitating the character’s actions. Just imagine, while they are walking home, what if they meet with an accident, or get sexually assaulted or die due to overdose? Isn’t that a much more horrible problem than a mere break up? Seriously!

One more thing I can’t understand is the orthodox belief that women mustn’t drink as it’s vile and cheap for them to do so. Why is that so? Just because we belong to the ‘fairer sex’ doesn’t make us any less of humans. Yes, there is the safety bit involved, so in case a woman is going for a drink, it surely is advisable that she has another female friend with her, for obvious safety reasons. If men can drink, so can women. Honestly, I know women drinkers and men drinkers. Some of my very good friends drink occasionally, and trust me when I say that these women are way better than some of the sober men I’ve met in my life as well. So yeah.

Coming to drugs, I think it’s quite stupid for people to experiment with it. Deaths due to drug overdose is more common than deaths due to alcohol abuse. The negative effects of drugs are worse than those of alcohol. I would never, ever try out drugs, because I think I know better than that. I also know to not judge people on their decisions to turn to drugs or alcohol, because frankly, judging is just not right.

At the end of the day I might end up drinking alcohol occasionally in the future, but I know for sure that I will never experiment with drugs. Never.

Dreams.

In ten years I’d like to be happy. Like truly happy. Blissfully happy. I would love it if after ten years, every day of mine is filled with happiness, not of the usual kind, but that ultimate happiness. I would like to be in peace with myself. I want to get rid of my insecurities and I want to truly accept myself for who I am. I am on the process of doing that, but, perhaps I’m not just there yet. Don’t worry, I will get there soon enough.

In ten years from now I hope to be on a road trip with my closest friends, and blogging about it later on. Or perhaps during the road trip itself? I might actually end up reading this very post then. Okay, I’m starting to sound dumb now. :/ But yes, that’s the intention. Road trip. Friends. Live laugh love. :D

I also hope to be a published author by then. I want to change lives just like my role model J.K. Rowling did. I want to create stories that will live on in the hearts of my readers for the rest of their lives. I want them to escape into my stories when their own lives are too harsh. I want them to find solace and peace in them. I want children to grow up with my characters. I want to introduce at least one child to the joy of reading. :)

There’s one more thing though. Ten years from now I hope to be living up the mountains in a nice cozy cabin. The wind would be howling outside, and the fire would be roaring inside. There will be a nice cozy couch in which I would snuggle, with a nice book in one hand and a cup of hot chocolate in the other.

Dreams. :’)

Random rambling :)

Put it up on my tumblr as a part of one 30 day challenge. :)

I’m not in any relationship, nor have I ever been. And you know what? I have absolutely no regrets about it. I don’t sit and brood over the fact that most people in my college have boyfriends and I don’t. Honestly, I don’t care. I don’t really think that my life is incomplete or anything without a boyfriend. I feel perfectly content with myself. And to be completely honest, I don’t think any of these ‘couples’ will eventually end up getting married, so yeah.

I am really enjoying my single life. I get to do whatever I want and I don’t have anyone fussing over me (besides my parents that is). I’m not answerable to anyone besides myself (and parents, but that is not the point here). I have the freedom and the time to do stuff I love. To do stuff I will do even ten years from now: like reading books, writing, listening to music, spending time with my friends, eating. These things have been a part of me since I was a little kid and I’m pretty darned sure that they will be a part of me even ten years from now.

I believe that I’m better off investing my time doing things that are a permanent fixture in my life, rather than wasting time on relationships that most probably wont last. I know I sound so darned cynical, but that’s what I believe. I think 18 is too young to decide who the love of your life is going to be. I think 18 is the time to do loads and loads of stuff you love. :)

I don’t see myself getting into a relationship in the near (or late) future, truth be told. I just don’t see myself as that kind of a woman. I have always been comfortable with the idea of spending my life alone. And with friends and family, you are not really alone, are you? And better than all of that is the company of books, my true love, so why will I be ALONE? No, I wont. 

I believe that if a person is comfortable in his or her own company, she will be perfectly fine, happy even. Not everyone is going to find a special someone in another person. They should realize that their special someone is they themselves. They should know that they are the number one person in their own life. Then, just then they’ll be able to live a life of complete bliss and solitude. 

I don’t think that the key to happiness is loving someone so much that your heart bursts. To me, the key to happiness is loving yourself to the extent that your heart swells. And this love will neither result in arrogance or conceit. It will just give a person complete, blissful happiness. :)

Realizations. :)

There comes a point in your life when you realize who is to move on forward with you in your life and who is to stay behind. The people who stayed back in your past did so for a reason, and those who made it from your past to your present did so for an even better reason. You will realize who matters, who never did and who always will. Sometimes just by looking at people you love laughing and smiling, your heart swells with happiness and that moment you know the reason. You know why they are there in your life. You know that their happiness means just as much as your own, and you know that you are going to count your blessings and not look back at the past. The past is then gone. Over.

I used to be a person who thought that planning something always brought out the best result. Today proved me wrong. After a failed attempt at completing an assignment, two of my friends and I suddenly decided to visit the beach. We travelled by two buses and finally reached our destination and it was such a pleasure to have the salty breeze welcome us so warmly. 

Without much ado, the three of us ran into the water, with our bags and all. For a while we just stood there, letting the water caress our feet. What a feeling it was. Then we decided to go in pairs of two so that one of us could photograph the other two. I let my friends go first as I wanted to photograph them. 

As I watched these two stand by the water and laugh out loud, I felt so warm and giddy inside. It was wonderful. I held onto my camera and photographed away to glory. While I certainly knew that these two meant a lot to me, this moment made me realize just about how much I loved these two friends of mine. 

Soon it was time for me to go and play in the water. I ran over to my friend and we played in the water. We laughed, we got wet, we posed for photographs and what not? I don't remember laughing so much in a VERY long time. I don't remember being this happy in a super very long time. 

Then my other friend came over and we decided to get drenched, head-to-toe. What an experience that was? We just sat down on the shoreline and let the waves hit us continuously. We even lay down on the shoreline so that we could be COMPLETELY drenched. We pretended to be high-five swami's meditating, trains and what not? We even ran around the shoreline, trying to drench ourselves.

In the midst of all this fun, I sat down, letting the waves hit me. I contemplated, I thought. There had been a few things that had been troubling me yesterday, and all of a sudden I realized that I didn't care anymore. I really didn't. I was happy, content and completely at peace. I thought of the people in my life and thanked God for their very existence in my life.

These two beautiful friends of mine were among the reasons why my life was actually wonderful. Their constant support, care and love was what kept me strong and made me hold on even when I badly wanted to let go. Both of them are such patient, wonderful listeners and are always there when I want to pour my heart out. Not a day goes by when I don't laugh with them. They are most definitely the most intelligent people I have ever come across, and I know for sure that when I most want to give up, they will make sure I will not.

I have always said that one true friend is worth thousand relatives and how true is that? I have never felt this happy with any relative of mine. These friends of mine make my life worthwhile. I also realized that it's better to have four to five true and loyal friends than have a hundred fake ones who wont hesitate to talk ill about you behind your back. Friendship is about loyalty, honesty, trust, support, care and love. It is not just about hanging out and taking pictures. It is about sharing, and truly caring.

To you two,

Thank you for making me realize that there are people who care for me and will be there to pick me up when I fall down. You guys are the light I see at the end of the tunnel and as long as you are there I will never be alone. I really, really love you a lot and no matter what happens, I'll always be there for you. :*

-Me.

F.R.I.E.N.D.S

Reluctance.

.

Hesitation.

Fear.

When my parents had first informed me that I would be moving to another city to pursue my higher education, I rebelled. I fought, I cried. I didn’t want to leave my wonderful life in Hyderabad and make a fresh start. I hated changes. I blackmailed them, I brought up old issues and examples when moving didn’t really do me good. But my parents stood firmly on their ground. I was going to move, and that was final. I hated having to not just leave my few school friends behind, but also my mother and little sister.

One day before the college re-opened, my dad and I arrived in the new city. Before he left for work he handed over to me a new Dell laptop, which surely did take my mind off Hyderabad temporarily. All day I stayed online, talked to my close online friends, my best friend back in Hyderabad, cousins etc, about this new change.

Early next morning I was up and ready for college. As I arrived there, I saw a large crowd which naturally intimidated me. I wasn’t fond of crowds. I stood amongst the crowd, looking around aimlessly and a little lost. I hoped for a familiar face, perhaps. Just then a girl came and introduced herself to me and I made a friend on the very first day of college. Unexpected, truly unexpected.

I adapted to the college lifestyle and new city lifestyle pretty well. The silent girl who at that point of time sat in front of me and I got along pretty well. She had a very different point of view to life. She liked challenges; she liked doing everything with a smile on her face. She was sincere towards her work and gave her best shot at everything. She was forever smiling and didn’t like to get into controversies or feel upset about anything. Live and let live was her motto. She is now one of my closest friends over here, a sister, someone who never fails to put a smile on my face with her outlook towards life.

Facebook has forever been one of my best companions, always there for me to while away time and get rid of boredom. I randomly started chatting with one of my classmates, about a project of course. Soon after that we would chat on a daily basis, about a lot of random disconnected stuff. She was extremely intelligent, a talented writer and singer. I realized we are quite alike, not fully though. Soon I started pouring out my tiny little life’s problems to her. She would listen, patiently, empathize, sympathize and relate. It felt good to have a friend who didn’t judge me and actually just listened. Today she is also one of my closest friends over here, a sister, a confidante, someone I trust with my life and it’s secrets.

Then came along the third one. The Harry Potter friend. How could we not befriend each other, having a mutual passionate love for Harry Potter (also known as my first true love)? The first few days were filled with continuous Harry Potter talk. HP this, HP that. She was impatient, short-tempered, friendly and bubbly. Over the time we started talking about things other than Harry Potter, like day-to-day incidents and such. I learnt that she stayed close by, so we would find more time to talk on the way home. She loved to criticize my eating habits and my laziness, but I almost always took it well. Today she is a sister, a Harry Potter sister if I may add and almost every day I stop by at her place after college for like an hour and we go on trolling, talking and having fun.

I have about 13 very good friends here. It is quite shocking, because back in Hyderabad I was extremely socially awkward. I had about 2-3 good friends in school, and of course my best friend who was sadly enough no longer studying in the same school as me. These 13 friends make my day. We have loads of fun in class laughing, talking, pranking, taking photographs and in short, making memories.

These people have accepted me for who I am: the weird, talkative, crazy, a little annoying, chilled out, prankster. They haven’t tried to change me at all, and they perhaps have no idea how much I appreciate that. Every day I look forward to going to college just to meet these 13 friends. I could care less about what is being taught. Okay. I am really not supposed to say that.

Anyways, after college we go to the mini-mall next door and hang around there until we are chucked out by the security guards with very little tolerance. We part with warm hugs and smiles. Every day I go back home with a genuine smile on my face. My Harry Potter friend and I keep discussing all the way home how much we love and adore our friends. It has become a daily routine of sorts.

I don’t regret coming to the new city. Not anymore. I am happy here and I have found the most amazing friends I could ever ask for. I love them so very much and I perhaps tell this to them a lot too, because I’m just so glad to have them in my life, people who make my every ordinary day extraordinary.

Happiness.

Smiles.

Laughter.

Thank you, my dear friends.

I really do love you all.

With love,

The Midnight Queen

“Der lagi lekin
Maine ab hai
Jeena seekh liya
Jaise bhi ho din
Maine ab hai
Jeena seekh liya
Ab maine…
Yeh jaana hai
Khushi hai kya
Gum kya..

………………..

Ab maine..
Yeh jaana hai
Kise kahoon apna”

-Der Lagi Lekin; Zindaggi Na Milegi Dobara

Back to the Nazi rule?

So in a particular educational organization a teacher gives her students an assignment to do. Fine. But there is a catch! Once the assignment is done, the teacher would grade them and classify her students as Excellent, Average and Below Average / Below Redemption. She mentioned that she'd shower the excellent and below average students with her attention, while the average students would be left to their own fate.


It is ironic how the same people talk about progress and development. My question is Why use medieval measures to achieve development? It sounds pretty absurd to me. Why is it necessary to classify students based on one freaking assignment. How can a person judge a students intellect like that? And judging itself is morally wrong.


The teacher might be thinking that she is commanding respect from her students and probably believes that the not-so-studious students will stop lazing around and study hard. But did she think of the effect it will have on her students? Did she think of the drastic psychological set back it'll have on them?


When a student is classified as an average or below average student, the self esteem of the person will drop down drastically. It's easy to say the torment is only for three years, but to be honest, the classification might leave them mentally and emotionally scarred forever. I remember living in perpetual fear during my seventh grade because of the treatment given to me by my English teacher then. I used to come home and cry everyday, not wanting to attend school the next day. It took quite a long time and wonderful teachers to bring back my love for the subject.


And it's not just about the psychological effects here. This classification will also cause an unnecessary rift among the students of an otherwise friendly class. There will be unwanted rows and arguments in the class, eventually leading to disharmony in the class. There are many students who want to escape this fights and disputes in school classrooms, and due to all this, it'll lead to the same in college also.


Why do these teachers think that they can classify students based on their intellect? Do they know them well enough? Even a psychotic killer could be extremely intelligent, while a humanitarian might be a notch less intelligent. Now does it seem like a fair classification? Do you know what this reminds me of?




Hitler and the Nazis. They had a stupid and unwanted prejudice against the Jews, causing discrimination and what not? I'm not saying that the teacher would end up murdering all the average/below average students, but...but she would  be slowly killing their self esteem and confidence level. Is that fair? Absolutely not!


I know that I probably don't make no sense whatsoever. Pardon me, for I wrote this article at 12:53 am, and I am, quite sleepy. I know I didn't even end it properly, that is due to my frustration. :(

Do leave your comments,
Midnight Queen.